If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
