We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
