You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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