Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
