she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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