I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
