maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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