He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
