Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
