he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
