Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
