now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
