I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
