Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
