You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
