true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
