I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
