also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
