theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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