How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my phone needs a breathalizer
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
