sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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