Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
