Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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