weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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