nut hugger
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
