you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
