1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
