Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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