I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
