There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
