My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I believe in your delicious
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
