I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
