Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
