Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
