ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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