he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bring me that man meat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
