Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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