i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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