so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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