I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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