Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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