Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
