Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
