if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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