Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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