in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
