I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
