Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
where are my eyebrows?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
