Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
