So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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