??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
