APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
