Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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