I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
