I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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