Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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