Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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