if i can run in heels then i can drive
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
