# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
