We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
