i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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