..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My ass is underappreciated
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
