I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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