I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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