I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you would pick up someone in the library
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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