If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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