Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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