My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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