my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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